Why Real Independence Starts with Play

Play-based Learning Builds Self-Regulation, Flexible Thinking, and True Independence in Early Childhood

In early childhood education, few goals are emphasized as often as independence. Whether it's learning to dress themselves, pour water, or clean up toys, we celebrate a child’s growing ability to do things “on their own.”

But true independence is more than a checklist of self-help skills. It’s about developing the inner abilities to start a task, persist through challenge, manage emotions, and finish it — even when no one is watching.

In early childhood, these abilities don’t come from memorizing sequences or completing adult assigned tasks. They grow from something far more child-centered and dynamic: play.

And while approaches like Montessori offer important structure and skill-building, they often emphasize a sequential curriculum — a predetermined academic path that moves children through increasingly complex tasks in a fixed order.

In this article, we’ll explore why self-regulation, growth mindset, and independence flourish best in play-based settings — and how sequential approaches like Montessori may miss key opportunities for foundational emotional and cognitive development.

Children at Green Hive collaborate to build a towering structure using large blocks. As the tower grows taller, they take turns, communicate, and adapt to reach higher. This moment beautifully illustrates self-regulation, flexible thinking, and child-led problem-solving in action.

🎯 Redefining Independence

In many settings, independence is treated as a checklist:

• ✅ Can put on coat

• ✅ Can pour juice

• ✅ Can clean up toys

• ✅ Can follow a sequence of tasks

  
  

But real independence is not just about the “can” — it’s about the “will.”

True autonomy is when a child can:

• Initiate a task

• Focus attention

• Manage their frustration

• Stay with a challenge

• Ask for help appropriately

• Bounce back when something goes wrong

These skills fall under the umbrella of self-regulation — and without it, a child might know how to zip a coat… but still throw it across the room when frustrated. They might be able to clean up toys at school… but refuse when asked at home. Or start building something with a new set of blocks… but give up as soon as it gets tricky.

🧠 Self-Regulation Comes Before Executive Function

Self-regulation is the foundation of:

• Executive function (planning, attention, working memory)

• Social-emotional learning (impulse control, empathy)

• Resilience and academic success

And the most effective, natural, and developmentally appropriate way for children to build self-regulation?

👉 Through play.

In open-ended play, children face challenges, problem-solve, negotiate, and persist. They test limits and practice bouncing back. They choose what to do, and learn how to stick with it.

“Children demonstrate the highest levels of self-regulation during child-initiated play.” — Whitebread et al., 2010

When children are rushed into structured academic instruction — worksheets, drills, and early testing — they might show fast results. Maybe they start reading early or counting ahead of grade level. But studies show those early gains often fade.

📉 By 3rd or 4th grade, these children can “hit a wall” — not because they’re not smart, but because they haven’t had the chance to develop the deeper skills that real learning requires like flexible thinking and self-regulation.

A U.S. study by Marcon (2002) found that children from child-initiated, play-based preschool programs had better long-term academic outcomes than those from academic, teacher-directed ones — including higher motivation and stronger performance in reading and math by the end of elementary school.

🌱 Growth Mindset Depends on Self-Regulation

Growth Mindset is the belief that skills and intelligence can grow through effort and learning.

But children can’t access this mindset if they:

• Melt down when challenged

• Are afraid to make mistakes

• Feel controlled by adult expectations

• Haven’t had a chance to try, fail, and try again while using their own creative skills

Growth Mindset only thrives when children feel emotionally safe and internally empowered.

And again, play provides this context beautifully.

• In dramatic play: “I couldn’t make it work, but I changed the plan!”

• In construction: “My tower fell! I’ll try a different way.”

• In social play: “I wanted to be the dragon, but I can be the knight.”

These moments build not only flexibility and self-regulation, but a sense of identity as a capable, adaptive learner.

📚 The Sequential Curriculum: Montessori’s Strength — and Blind Spot

Programs like Montessori are often praised for promoting independence — and in many ways, they do.

Children:

• Choose from a set of “works”

• Follow precise steps in self-correcting materials

• Move toward increasingly complex tasks when they are ready

But this type of sequential curriculum emphasizes mastery of a sequence, not emergent problem-solving or emotional risk-taking. The goal is often to move a child from one task to the next, in a structured arc of difficulty.

What gets missed?

• Emotional messiness

• Trial and error

• Open-ended play

• Imaginative flexibility

• Resilience after failure

In American Montessori settings, mistakes are often treated as something to correct quietly and precisely, not as opportunities for social, creative, or emotional exploration. While these programs are often described as progressive, their highly structured, adult-curated sequences can unintentionally bypass a child’s internal drive to explore, fail, and try again.

A child may complete a task perfectly, but not because they’ve self-regulated, rather, because they’ve learned to follow external cues. The result is often compliance without agency, precision without true autonomy.

This can produce children who are excellent at working alone and following procedures — but who may struggle with:

• Collaborative negotiation

• Adaptation under stress

• Tolerating uncertainty

• Emotional flexibility

🧸 Play-Based Learning: Regulating, Relating, and Rising

In play-based Reggio-inspired environments, children are not moved through a curriculum in order. Instead, they are given the time, space, and trust to:

• Follow their curiosity

• Invent their own problems to solve

• Negotiate meaning with others

• Work deeply in a “flow” state

• Practice returning to a challenge day after day

This allows them to build internal regulation, executive function, and a growth mindset — all before anyone asks them to memorize math facts or write a sentence.

They also develop independence as it truly matters in life: not just to complete a task, but to stay engaged when it gets hard, to ask for help when needed, and to believe they can grow.

Left: In Montessori, learning often follows a structured, adult-guided sequence using precise materials — fostering focus, but often limiting flexibility. Right: At Green Hive, children work together to build a car from blocks, logs, and loose parts. When they run out of one material, they naturally shift to another — showing flexible thinking, resourcefulness, and true collaboration.

🔄 Comparison Snapshot

Feature	Sequential Curriculum (e.g. Montessori)	Play-Based Learning
Independence	Task-oriented (doing things alone)	Motivation-oriented (choosing and sticking with effort)
Self-Regulation	Structured through repetition	Emerges through problem-solving and negotiation
Growth Mindset	Limited mistake tolerance	Embraces mistakes and flexibility
Curriculum Path	Pre-sequenced by adult	Emergent, child-led
Creativity & Adaptability	Secondary to mastery	Central to learning process

🌱 While Montessori emphasizes control and order, play-based environments like ours nurture self-regulation, flexibility, and true autonomy — the skills that matter most for life.

💛 Final Thought: Independence Begins with Trust

If we want to raise children who are truly independent — who can think critically, manage emotions, bounce back from setbacks, and keep going when no one’s watching — then we need to trust them to lead their learning.

That trust begins in play. It deepens with emotional support. And it grows into something powerful: A child who believes in themselves because they’ve been allowed to try, fail, adapt, and thrive.

In a world obsessed with “getting ahead,” we’re here to say: Let them play. That’s how they move forward.

References:

• Marcon, R. (2002). Moving up the Grades: Relationship between Preschool Model and Later School Success.

• Darling-Hammond, L., & Snyder, J. (1992). Curriculum Studies and the Traditions of Inquiry.

• Skene, K., et al. (2022). Can Guidance During Play Enhance Children’s Learning? A Meta-Analysis.

• Whitebread, D. (2010). Play, Metacognition and Self-Regulation.

• Gray, P. (2012). The Decline of Play and the Rise of Psychopathology.

• Brookings Institution (2019). Learning Through Play: Strengthening Learning Through Play in Crisis and Low-Resource Settings.